INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE: THE ABUSERS AND THE KIND OF VICTIMS THEY SEEK.

The problem with domestic violence is real.

Gender socialization continues to play a major role in this matter. Men are trained to be strong and never to show emotion, they are also never to cry. However, women are socialized to be meek, demure, to be in the kitchen, to be emotional and to be compassionate. This kind of upbringing gradually morphs into a narrative where when men advance in years and lose control in other areas of their lives like their education or their finances, they take the frustrations out in a different manner than women normally would. If something does not go right, they want to regain that power and control in some other aspect of their lives, albeit in a disastrous approach.
They take out their frustrations on the people closest to them. The desire and need for control is so strong, most men simply have to have at least one area of their lives where they are in control when they are physically present in that chosen environment and especially when they are not. When men are socialized to always block out their weaknesses, the easiest thing to put out there is anger and disrespect toward those who can. I do not seek to criminalize men. Women can be abusers too, in even more creative ways.

Many people, who have never been victims themselves, never understand why victims stay.
Many of these victims say this unhealthy loyalty stems from various reasons ranging from the fear of losing their children to financial instability if they set out to be alone.

Abusers come in all shapes in sizes. They usually appear like the nicest people. It is always so easy to be carried away. It takes a high level of discernment to be able to recognize a potential abuser when one sees one. What abusers really first look for in their victims is lack of self￾assuredness. They stay well away from confident, well-informed, powerful and strong women. If you are a woman who knows what she wants, abusers do not want to be anywhere near you because it is hard work to manipulate or pummel you into submission or fear of their presence.

Their victims are women who usually always try to keep peace; women always make excuses for their abusers because they are naturally trusting and forgiving. These women believe they can change their abusers with their love and support.

Because the abusers continue to feel a sense of power or control, they never really change.
When they are depressed, their women are on the receiving end. Victims deflect onlookers who try to help them get out of such relationships from the negatives and focus on the positives. They
usually remain very hopeful until they see they are really on a rollercoaster.

What parents need to do, instead of telling their children when to cry or when not to, is to raise strong, confident, self-assured children who truly know themselves and know the kind of energy they send off into the world.

HUMAN TRAFFICKING: THE NIGERIAN PERSPECTIVE.

Trafficking is essentially a trade in humans. It is estimated that the human trafficking business earns $150 billion annually, through illicit profits, while NGOs (Non Governmental Organizations) and governments spend an estimated $130 million annually to combat this crime. There is no indigenous data of the people trafficked within and outside Nigeria, except from foreign researches and the United Nations. It is estimated that each year, more than 500,000 young women from Nigeria illegally cross to Europe to become prostitutes. How do these women end up in Europe?

These victims who are desperate to escape the poverty they live in, are trafficked and exploited by men and women of their own nationality, and once they get into Europe, they are sold into the sex trade. They are promised jobs as cleaners, farmers, nannies, cooks, etc. However, there are usually no cleaning or cooking jobs waiting for them and they are forced into prostitution. They are threatened and taken to witch doctors where they drop parts of their bodies as collateral, to secure their loyalty to their “agents”. The women are made to drop hair from their heads and private parts, their fingernails and toenails, their clothing too. Sometimes they are also given incision marks on their chests and heads, and then made to take oaths not to mention it to anyone or they would die. Some escape. Some never do.

Everywhere in the world, the consequences of human trafficking are devastating. Women who eventually make it out of the trade may be permanently traumatized and continue to feel a sense of loss and regret. Many who return home may become huge burdens on their families. Some may be re-trafficked. Victims return to their families with severe health and psychological problems that their families simply cannot afford to treat. They also suffer stigmatization. Some women who used to be victims of the sex trade have shared their stories with researchers. It is however common to see that they never truly recover from the nightmare.

“Someone came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go to Europe, he said I would be farming where they produce tomatoes. At the end of the day, I was sold into prostitution. I donated my hair, nails and clothing to a juju priest and vowed to pay for the help rendered to me or I would die. I wanted to run away but I could not because he had a lot of friends hanging around watching me. I lived in a room with 20 girls who were all sex workers. For five years, I was always very tired and very lonely. You cannot send money to your family and you cannot eat very well. When I finally paid my $40,000 debt, I was arrested and jailed for five months. Anytime I remember, I start crying and lose my appetite. I feel bad. I have no interest in trying to turn them in. They will be punished.”
Patience, formerly trafficked lady, Italy (In Focus, 3, December, 2012, Nigeria Sex Trafficking)

“All my life is sleeping, sleeping, sleeping with men. I know they will come looking for me. If I see my captors again, I’m not going to say nothing. I’m just going to kill them. That’s what I’m going to do. Because she ruined my life. Made me something I didn’t plan to be (sobs) They’ve destroyed too many lives. Too many. You have to stop them. I hate them.”
- Grace, formerly trafficked lady, UK (Ross Kemp Extreme World, 12, November, 2015, Nigerian Sex Slavery in the UK)

It always appears very promising and all too enticing at the onset. Someone approaches them and offers them a ticket to come and join them to live the good life overseas. They tell them they will make them as rich as they and that they will soon be able to send money home to take care of their family and build a house like others that went before them did. Blindly, these hopefuls get themselves roped deep into modern slavery. They are recruited from various areas of the world to European countries and used for various degrading purposes ranging from sexual exploitation to domestic servitude. The highest numbers of victims are estimated to come from Nigeria, China and Thailand in that order.

In March 2018, the Oba of Benin made native doctors revoke curses on trafficked victims in a bid to combat the prevalent human trafficking menace in Edo state, Nigeria. The monarch cursed anyone who would continue to aid and abet human trafficking in Edo state. He commanded hundreds of these native doctors to revoke curses placed on the trafficked victims. News went round the world, and many human trafficking victims got bold enough to run from their handlers. But that wasn’t the case for all of them. The monarch’s curses simply are not enough to end this war. This is proven by a heart rending video shared very shortly after the Oba’s command, of a young woman named Jennifer who is still in captivity in Europe even though the monarch has commanded that the curses be revoked.

“My name is Jennifer. The madam who brought me here said she won’t let me go, she said I must finish paying her money. Out of $35,000, I have paid $30,000. It is not that I can’t pay the $5,000, but since the Oba has announced that we should not pay, I will not pay. It is not like I came here via air or ground, I came through Libya. Please help me reason with her. She said she will not leave me. She said she will call her family in Nigeria to take my underwear and use it to do something that will make them deport me or inflict me with sickness that will kill me. The Oba has freed us. Her name is Queen Godwin. Queen has no rights over me again. Please help me. I am tired. I cannot pay again. They said they will use my underwear to do something, they said they will kill me. In case anything happens, people of Edo, please help me.”
Jennifer, sex trafficking victim (The Nation Online, 13, March 2018)

The costs of transporting a contemporary slave are miniscule these days compared to Old World slavery. These and other dynamics set in place make the human trafficking business easier and more profitable. Return on Interest is several times the initial investment, making it perhaps the primary reason why traffickers today continue to be bold.

Much commendable effort has been pumped into ending human trafficking. Much of this effort however has been deployed mostly to advocacy and sensationalism. So one can without question conclude that now, there is increased knowledge about the matter. A lot more people know about human trafficking. More and more policies, laws and tactics  have been inserted to combat every type of trafficking but the issue still requires high-level policies that would be implemented globally, and reliable data and analysis that is needed to serve as base arguments for certain laws and for programmes to be truly effective. The governments need to find new ways to destroy incentives for these human traffickers and funding need to be increased for anti-trafficking programmes and anti-trafficking legislation need to be supported fully.

REFERENCES
Freedom Project CNN, 20 December 2017, Solutions to End Human Trafficking
Ross Kemp Extreme World, 12, November 2015, Nigerian Sex Slavery in the UK
The Nation Online, 10, March, 2018 Human Trafficking; Oba of Benin forces native doctors to revoke curses placed on victims
In Focus, 3 December 2012, Nigeria Sex Trafficking
Corruption and Human Trafficking,: The Nigerian Case, 2003
Kemi Asiwaju, “The Challenges of Combating Trafficking in Women and Children in Nigeria”(Boca Raton, FL: CRC Press, 2008)